More About Living & Dying With Cancer

I wrote the following post about my mother-in-law and her family last evening. I had decided not to run it. The content is personal, raw and a bit bitter. But I think it is instructional as well. If we could all just take a moment every day or week or month and visit with a cancer patient in need. That might just be the greatest gift (next to a cure, of course!) we could give them:

Marie had been very ill for many years. I helped Pattie care for Marie as she was forced to move from her apartment, to an assisted living facility and then into a nursing home with 24 hour hospice care. Things had been difficult for her ever since her husband, Patrick Doyle, died about ten years ago. Marie often felt alone, betrayed and abandoned, even when we were there trying to help. Like many older Americans, her family (four grown daughters and a number of grandchildren and great-grandchildren) were spread far and wide across the country in Texas, Florida, Louisiana, Georgia, and her home-state of Wisconsin. She received more than adequate care. Ouch! Is that how we all hope to spend the last years of our lives--receiving more than adequate care? Marie and I spent some real quality time together during the past year. I even traveled from Florida to Wisconsin last month to visit her. Pattie did the same several weeks ago as well. Her daughter, Jo, visited her daily during the last few, most difficult months which was especially meaningful, since they had not been close for a number of years. But Pattie and I weren't there when she died. Nor were any of her other living family members, except for Jo and her husband, Jim. Much of what I know about the deep, dark side of death, dying and cancer comes from my relationship with Marie and my wife's family. Like many people suffering with cancer, hospice care helped fill the void left in Marie's life by her family. As usual, hospice did an exemplary job helping to manage Marie's pain and prepare her for the end. Starting a program like www.HelpWithCancer.Org can be uplifting, exhilarating and rewarding. But there is also the harsh reality of pain, death and suffering. Everyone did their job and Marie is in a better place. I just wish more members of her family had contributed to her care and well-being. By the way, everyone is coming to the funeral! Too bad they couldn't find time to visit Marie while she was still alive. It would have meant a lot to her.
Rest in peace, Marie. Pat